There is a lot of discussion about what love feels like, what it feels like to love someone or to be in love with someone. My significant other and I were discussing a question we noticed in something we were reading together; the question we noticed is, “Do you believe love is a choice?”
We discussed this for a while and ultimately came to the same conclusion: yes!
Allow me to explain.
Being in love with someone vs. being with someone you love
Many people fall quite easily into the first state: being in love with someone. It’s based on initial attraction and desire for a person. Being in love is passive; it’s uncontrollable and rather helpless. Wild and crazy with excitement. Love chemicals are released in the brain and everything just happens to you. The saying that goes, "love is blind" applies quite well in this context, as being in love is like a drug that blinds you to obvious character flaws in a person.
True love, on the other hand, is much more calm and stable. It’s an active decision to love someone despite their faults, shortcomings and downfalls. It’s based on a deep understanding of who the other person is and what makes them tick. Their needs are equally as important – or more likely – more important than your own. That "love is blind" quote doesn’t make as much sense when you think of it, as with true love your eyes are open to the flaws held by the other person and you accept it as one part of a much larger whole. You can be in love with someone you love, of course. But, when that feeling of passion and being “in love” fades, you still want to be with the other person, care for them and make them happy.
What I’m trying to get across is that true love is a gift to your partner. It’s saying, "There are millions of people in this world, and I choose you, and I will always choose you." How powerful is that?
Let me know in the comments your thoughts on love vs being in love!
I agree. More often than not though, both go hand in hand. You cant have genuine true love without being “in love” first.
Yeah, good point. I wouldn’t say one “can’t” love without being in love first, because you could grow to love someone you weren’t initially in love with, but I think it’s more common to fall in love first.